SBL Notebook, Week 9

As Clint Eastwood, portraying the cold-blooded killer William Munny, said in “Unforgiven” -- “We’ve all got it coming, kid.” And it’s safe to say the American division has had this coming for a while now. Long dominant in interleague play, the AL got a taste of its own medicine this week as the National division dished out a 24-12 whuppin’, giving the senior circuit a 58-50 overall edge with one week to go in this four-week cycle. Every NL team posted a winning record except the Inmates, whose 2-4 stumble cost them their grip on first place, now occupied by the Derelicts (4-2), though by only one game over the Mental Defectives and three over the Godfathers (5-1). On the other side of the standings, the Zero’s and the Moaners were the only teams to carry the AL banner high this week; while they were going a combined 12-2, the other four clubs were conspiring to go 2-22. The Zero’s’ 6-0 week, combined with twin 1-5s by the pace-setting Bammers and the (former) runners-up Badgers, catapulted the 2009 champions into second place, six back of the Bams and three up on the Badgers. The Z’s did it with some better-than-fair offense (10 HRs, 33 RBI, 9 SBs, .351 OBP) with a pitching week that can best be described as pristine -- a 1.37 ERA, a league-best this season, built on the back of a rotation that in five starts surrendered only 3 ER in 31.2 innings. . . . There was a noticeable uptick in offense this week, and we’re wondering whether there’s a correlation between that and an apparent decrease in strikeouts. Much has been made of the soaring strikeout rate among major league hitters the last two years, as the balance of power has shifted toward pitchers. But Week 9 in the SBL was the worst all season for K-rates, with no team getting to 1.00 (only the second time all season that’s happened), and seven checking in with rates of .80 or lower. Perhaps not coincidentally, increased contact translated into better hitting numbers. Still nothing like we saw in, say, the late ’90s, but a lot better than last week. The average HR total was 7, almost two more than in Week 8, and the average RBI count was 31, a damn sight better than last week’s 25. Leading the way were the revived Godfathers, who finally have their team back together with the return from the DL of sluggers Josh Hamilton, Evan Longoria and Aaron Hill, and this week put up some crooked numbers that reflected the infusion of hitting talent –- 39 RBIs, 38 runs and 38 TBs. Kudos, too, to the Derelicts for their 47 RBIs; it’s the first time all season any team has even gotten into the 40s in that stat, believe it or not. And condolences to the pitching staffs of the Bammers and the Puny Pontiffs, which seemed to absorb the lion’s share of the damage, combining to give up a staggering 73 earned runs, resulting in ERAs of 5.75 and 6.89, respectively.

Week 9 standings

AMERICAN DIVISION
Team, LW..................W....L....PCT....GB
Bammers (1-5)............42...14....750....--
Zero's (6-0)................36...20....643.....6
Badgers (1-5)..............33...23....589.....9
Moaners (4-2).............29...27....518....13
Barristers (0-6)............13...43....232....31
Puny Pontiffs (0-6).........8...48....143....36
NATIONAL DIVISION
Team, LW..................W....L....PCT....GB
Derelicts (4-2).............37...19....661....--
Inmates (2-4)..............36...20....643.....1
Godfathers (5-1)..........34...22....607.....3
DamianUnited (4-2).......26...30....464....11
Cherry Bombers (5-1).....24...32....429....13
Whiteskins (4-2)..........18...38....321....19

SBL Notebook, Week 8

It’s still a little early to be worrying about this, but it really is getting kind of serious for the pursuers in the American division, where the Bammers and their untouchable pitching staff reeled off another 6-0 week to improve to 41-9 and increase their division lead to nine games over Andy’s Badgers and 11 over the defending champion Zero’s. It’s getting so it’s a surprise when the Bammers DON’T post an ERA under 2.50 and a BR stat under 1.00, and try as they might, the Badgers -- whose own pitching ain’t too shabby either -- haven’t been able to quite keep up. Things are much more competitive in the National division, where the Inmates’ lead was reduced to one game over the Derelicts, with the Godfathers five back. Seems like both division races have been reduced to three-team affairs, with the other six clubs at or below .500. . . . It was another week of itty-bitty offense -- the itty-bittiest yet, we’re thinking. And that’s not a complaint, just an observation. The average HR figure this week was a mere 5.4; the 65 total homers were only seven more than we had in Week 1, which was only three days-and-change long. In fact, the league high in stolen bases (9, by the Zero’s and G-Daddies) was greater than the league high in homers (8 by the Z’s), and the total SBs (53) weren’t too far off the HR total. The Badgers managed only 14 RBIs, and still went 4-2. The Godfathers had three homers, 11 RBI and a .297 OBP, and still went 3-3. The Bombers had four HRs, and went 5-1. Amazing. But this is the world we’re living in, people. Six SBL teams posted ERAs under 3.00 this week, and those teams went a combined 26-10. It’s the new world order -- pitching is (almost) everything. . . . BTW, the interleague skirmish this week ended in an 18-18 tie. Which is good, right? Nothing approaching the old blowout days when the AL dominated; after two weeks the tally reads AL 38, NL 34. It’s anybody’s ballgame!

Week 8 standings

AMERICAN DIVISION
Team, LW.................W....L....PCT....GB
Bammers (6-0)............41....9....820....--
Badgers (4-2).............32...18....640.....9
Zero's (4-2)................30...20....600....11
Moaners (2-4).............25...25....500....16
Barristers (1-5)...........13...37....260....28
Pontiffs (1-5)...............8...42....160....33
NATIONAL DIVISION
Team, LW..................W....L....PCT....GB
Inmates (3-3)..............34...16....680....--
Derelicts (5-1).............33...17....660.....1
Godfathers (3-3)..........29...21....580.....5
DamianUnited (2-4).......22...28....440....12
Bombers (5-1).............19...31....380....15
Whiteskins (0-6)..........14...36....280....20

Free agent draft No. 4

Pre-draft moves:
Puny Pontiffs: 1B Hafner to DL
Batfaced Barristers: OF Pagan to DL
Moaners: OF Victorino to DL
Godfathers: C Soto to DL
Zero's: 2B Uribe to DL
Derelicts: activate SP Oswalt, drop Harrison
Inmates: activate 2B Utley, drop Herrera
Bammers: 3B Zimmerman to DL

1. Puny Pontiffs take 1B Wallace, drop KMorales
2. Batfaced Barristers take OF Ludwick
........Taxi: TWood up, Myers down
3. Whiteskins take RP Salas, drop Franklin
4. Cherry Bombers take OF Joyce, drop Rios
5. DamianUnited take RP Adams, drop Rodney
6. Moaners take OF Brantley
7. Godfathers take C Lucroy
8. Zero's take 2B OCabrera
........Taxi: Bedard up, Beachy down
9. Derelicts take 2B Turner, drop Wigginton
........Taxi: Oswalt up, Jimenez down
10. Badgers take 3B Callaspo, drop Kouzmanoff
11. Inmates take SP Vogelsong, drops CYoung
........Taxi: Ogando up, Stauffer down
12. Bammers take 3B CJohnson

SBL Notebook, Week 7

The first week of interleague play was . . . oh, let's say inconclusive. The commissioner's office was kinda sorta halfway semi-expecting the NL to gain the early upper hand in the lid-lifter to four weeks of cross-divisional squabbling, based on six weeks' worth of anecdotal evidence that suggested the senior circuit, after years of second-fiddle status, really did appear to be the stronger division this season, with more good teams than the AL, including two or three that look like legit contenders to win it all. But when the dust cleared in Week 7, it looked like something closer to business as usual, with the AL winning the week, 20-16. Although only two American teams posted winning records, those two, the Zero's and the Bammers, combined to go 11-1, more than offsetting the 9-15 mediocrity of the other four. Another factor that swung things the AL's way: its Bottom Two, the Batfaced Barristers and the Puny Pontiffs, who had combined for only 15 wins in the first six weeks, managed four victories between them this week, while one of the NL's more consistent clubs, DamianUnited, saw six weeks of mostly solid results unravel in an uncharacteristic 0-6 crash that pushed them below .500 for the first time. . . . The mercurial Zero's -- 13-0 in Weeks 4-5, followed by an 0-6 Week 6 -- reverted to take-no-prisoners mode this week, and the turnaround could essentially be summed up in three words: Jose F***ing Bautista. The late-blooming Toronto slugger, who led the majors by a mile with 54 homers last year in helping the Moaners cop the SBL crown, was conspicuously absent during the Z's winless Week 6 due to some sort of neck issue that sidelined him for all but one game. But he was back with a vengeance this week -- six homers, nine RBIs, eight runs and a .516 OBP (11 hits, five walks in 31 PAs) -- and not coincidentally so were the Z's. Think one measly player can't make a major difference for an SBL team? Try to imagine where the Zero's might be without Bautista, who, by himself, beat or tied five entire SBL teams in the HR category this week. Actually, you don't have to imagine it -- just take a look at those Week 6 results. . . . The Bammers were a bit off their game, particularly on the pitching side (4.12 ERA, 1.55 BR) -- but, typical of good, well-rounded SBL teams, they proved tough to beat, finding enough ways to win to go 5-1, improve the Best Record In Ball to 35-9 and stretch their AL lead to seven games over the Badgers, who continue to tread water (10-9 the last three weeks) while dropping further behind. . . . Another balanced, weakness-free aggregation, the Inmates, also introduced some distance between themselves and their many pursuers, with the Derelicts, the Godfathers and DamU combining to go 5-13 while the Mental Defectives were going 5-1, including the NL's only win over the Bammers. That opened things up a bit in a division where the top three teams had been separated by only two games; the 'Mates now lead the Double-Ds by three, the G-Daddies by five and DamU by 11.

Week 7 standings

AMERICAN DIVISION
Team, LW..................W....L....PCT....GB
Bammers (5-1)............35....9....795....--
Badgers (3-3)..............28...16....636.....7
Zero's (6-0)................26...18....591.....9
Moaners (2-4).............23...21....523....12
Barristers (3-3)...........12...32....273....23
Puny Pontiffs (1-5)........7...37....182....27
NATIONAL DIVISION
Team, LW..................W....L....PCT....GB
Inmates (5-1)..............31...13....705....--
Derelicts (3-3).............28...16....614.....3
Godfathers (2-4)..........26...18....519.....5
DamianUnited (0-6).......20...24....455....11
Cherry Bombers (4-2).....14...30....318....17
Whiteskins (2-4)..........14...30....318....17

Sun-sational Six (Week 6)

So maybe it wasn't such a good idea to diss the Bammers. It's been nary impossible to predict the twists and turns during this year's campaign, but one thing seems like a surety -- the Bammers are the team to beat. Now, the SS-list knows it (until next week).

1. Bammers (Last week: 2): Take away Bammers' frontline pitching with Hamels, Haren, Hernandez, Garcia and Masterson, maybe then, it would be a fair fight with the rest of the league. But the Bammers are bringing it every week from 60-6, and that's why they are No. 1 again after a short-sighted effort from the SS-list. Not that there needs to be an apology for imperfection.

2. Inmates (Last week: 3): No old jokes this week, especially after the Pattons continue to kick a little Cherry Bomber ass week after friggin' week. OK, we get it old-timer. You got game. After beating up on the weaker division, we'll see how you do against the real division for the next four weeks. Now, let's see what you got, ol' bitch.

3. Badgers (Last week: 1): Not that the SS-list ever overreacts, but the Fruitopias probably aren't a No. 3 team. Sure, the SS-list went out on a limb last week and gave the Badgers some premature props. It's not like we would hold it against the Badges after going a so-so 3-3, but remember Badge: It's not nice to mess with SS-list.

4. Derelicts (Last week: 6): The list is thinking about changing the team's nicknames to the yo-yos, since they've been up-and-down more than a Cinemax late-night feature. Hey-yo, D-rich. Hate to think of where you might be heading next week, but just to be safe, you might want to get a shot for that.

5. Godfathers (Last week: 5): While the list has been fairly inconsistent about nearly everyone else, the Vicsters have held serve of late. Can't believe we're using tennis analogies, and we haven't even made it to the French Open yet, but the list can't be limited by mere sports calendars. Fight on, Nadal-lovers.

6. Moaners (Last week: not ranked): Can't remember if this was the team that was here last week or the Zeros, but they seem to be just about the same, you know, except for one playing its home games halfway around the world. Oh well. Can't win 'em all, except maybe this week when it's against those patsie Nationals.

SBL Notebook, Week 6

In honor of the Mother’s Day we just celebrated, all we can say is “WOW.” Which is MOM, upside-down, and also succinctly conveys our astonishment at the continued shriveling of offense in baseball and, by extension, the SBL. Acknowledging right from the top that we’re starting to sound like a broken record on this topic . . . we’re seriously starting to wonder if this season is going to end up breaking records for offensive futility. You can’t spell “puny” without “P.U.,” and hitting numbers don’t get much tinier, or stinkier, than what we saw this week. There was a time not long ago – even as recently as last year – when, if you went into battle with 26 runs, 26 RBI, 6 HR and 24 TB, you held little hope of success. This week, those were the league averages—26.2, 26.2, 5.75 and 23.9, to be exact. The average on-base percentage in MLB is down to .319, and many of our SBL “all-star” teams are struggling to reach even that benchmark -- five teams failed to get there this week, and three couldn’t even make it to .300, the OBP version of the Mendoza Line. Only one team reached double figures in homers -- the Derelicts, with a mighty 10. The trio whose stats are compiled by Paul Oberjuerge was monumentally feeble -- the Zero's, the Puny Pontiffs and the Batfaced Barristers combining to average 19 runs, 20 BI and 3.6 HRs. Elsewhere in the American division, the Moaners raked to the tune of 29 runs, 23 RBIs and 6 HRs -- and went 5-1. Good times! . . . We’ve speculated ad nauseam about the causes of the Incredible Disappearing Offense. But it can’t just be post-steroids shrinkage (both anatomical and statistical), can it? If, let’s say, 30% of MLB players were juicing and are now off the stuff, why is it that the malaise seems industry-wide, affecting even the 70% presumed to have been clean in the first place? Plus, weren’t some pitchers on the needle too, and wouldn’t those pitchers be more hittable now? Yet it seems like nobody’s hitting much of anything, or anyone. The ever astute Mr. Oberjuerge suggests that the massively underperforming Red Sox lineup, in which numerous SBL teams are invested, is a meaningful factor in this; the Bosox were expected to be a run-producing machine after adding Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford to an already potent lineup, yet here they are in the bottom 10 in MLB scoring six weeks in. Another owner, Gregg Patton, theorizes that the primary culprit is simply better pitching—bigger, stronger athletes with harder, nastier stuff—and more specialized pitching roles, with one strong, fresh arm after another marching in from the bullpen from the sixth inning on . . . and all of these guys throwing to less-disciplined free-swinging hackers. If that’s true, then perhaps we’re in the early stages of a new, pitching-dominant era. Are we heading back to where the game was in 1968, the year of Drysdale’s 58 straight scoreless innings, McLain’s 31 wins and Gibson’s 1.12 ERA? Baseball lowered the mound after that season, to reduce pitchers’ advantage. Will this season be remembered as the one that compelled MLB to do away with the mound entirely and have them pitch off flat ground, like in softball? . . . OK, enough of our complaining about crappy offense, for, like, the rest of the season. On to the races: The Inmates put together a HUGE week by new-era standards (34 runs, 34 BI, 38 TB, .372 . . . fuggetaboutit), combined that with the week’s finest pitching (1.96 ERA) and cruised to a 6-0 week that left them alone atop the National division—though by only one game over the Double-Ds and two over the Godfathers, with whom the ’Mates were locked in a three-way tie a week ago. In the AL, the Bammers rebounded from last week’s 2-5 blip to also go 6-0 and inflate their lead from two games to five over the second-place Badgers. . . . The Bombers and the Whiteskins announced a trade Monday: C Santana to the Bombers in exchange for C Ruiz and the No. 3 pick in that day’s supplemental draft. . . . Four weeks of interleague play commence this coming week. Is the NL really, finally the stronger of the two divisions this year, as early-season indicators hint? We’ll find out what’s what.

Week 6 standings

AMERICAN DIVISION
Team, LW..................W....L....PCT....GB
Bammers (6-0)............30....8....789....--
Badgers (3-3)..............25...13....658.....5
Moaners (5-1).............21...17....553.....9
Zero's (0-6)................20...18....526....10
Barristers (2-4).............9...29....237....21
Pontiffs (1-5)...............6...32....158....24
NATIONAL DIVISION
Team, LW..................W....L....PCT....GB
Inmates (6-0)..............26...12....684....--
Derelicts (5-1).............25...13....658.....1
Godfathers (4-2)..........24...14....632.....2
DamianUnited (2-4).......20...18....526.....6
Whiteskins (0-6)..........12...26....316....14
Bombers (2-4).............10...28....263....16

Free agent draft No. 3

Pre-draft moves:
Bombers: taxi Lewis up, Matsuzaka down
Whiteskins: RP Broxton to DL; 3B P.Sandoval to DL
Derelicts: SP Oswalt to DL
Badgers: activate RP Feliz, drop Rhodes

1. Pontiffs take 3B Aviles, drop Morel
2. Barristers take RP Santos, drop Boyer
........Taxi: Greinke up, Wood down
3. Whiteskins (from Bombers) take RP E.Sanchez
4. Whitekins take 3B Betemit
5. Moaners take C Avila, drop Jaso
........Taxi: W.Rodriguez up, Drabek down
6. DamianUnited take OF D.Murphy, drop Cuddyer
7. Derelicts take SP Tomlin
........Taxi: Jimenez up, Harrison down
8. Inmates take SP Ogando, drop Matusz
9. Godfathers take SP Cueto, drop Westbrook
10. Zero's take 1B Hosmer, drop C.Pena
11. Badgers take RP Melancon, drop Lindstrom
12. Bammers take OF Me.Cabrera, drop Raburn

Last-minute trade proposal

Hi gang,

I'm taking to the blogosphere (because my telegraph gets poor reception here) to send out a trade proposal. I'm eager, though not desperate, to acquire an additional draft pick this week. Pablo Sandoval and Jonathan Broxton decided to get injured at the same time (possibly while fighting over a drumstick at HomeTown Buffet).

Here's my roster:

C: Arencibia, Santana
1B: Howard, Moreland
2B: Beckham, Hall
SS: Andrus, Lowrie
3B: Sandoval (injured), Jones
OF: Granderson, Zobrist, Bloomquist (injured), Cruz (injured) Lee, Crawford
SP: Sabathia, Burnett, Kuroda, Dempster, Billingsley
RP: Bell, Broxton (injured), Franklin, Fuentes
Taxi: Carmona, Braden (injured)

Eager, but not desperate.

Sun-sational Six (Week 5)

There's a new sheriff in town, and surprisingly enough it has nothing to do with the Inmates. The Badgers, fresh off a 4-3 week and still trailing the Bammers in their division race by a couple games, look to be the new team to beat. That's our story, and we'll stick to it as long as Andy doesn't pull an 0-6 answer to their new seeding.

1. Badgers (Last week: 2): This group has been slowly closing the gap on the Bammers. Kind of looks like they have to momentum to finally slingshot into the lead this week, at least that's what our psychic tells us. Might have something to do with the Cards, especially that Pujols joker.

2. Bammers (Last week: 1): OK, so technically the BGoffs are still the best team in ball and had a nice three week run at the top spot. Hey, even the Lakers used to be good. In our what-have-you-done-for-me-lately world, the Bammers get no instant gratification from the SS-list.

3. Inmates (Last week: 3): Here's another club that hasn't been getting its just desserts. Like a stealth geriatric in a wheelchair, the Pattons have glided to the front of the pack among the Nationals. Not sure whether this team should be dropped over the Middle East or even Pakistan, but we seem to be droning on.

4. Zeroes (Last week: unranked): Had a feeling we might be seeing the mighty O's again, and they didn't disappoint in one of the most dominant weeks in the SBL so far this season. These wily Abu Dubai-ies are a finicky bunch, though. Don't mess with the mighty SS-list, oh fickle foreigner.

5. Godfathers (Last week: 6): Another old fart on the rise. We won't be trite enough to say that the Godfather hurlers throw gas or maybe we just don't have the intestinal fortitude to stomach that analogy. Whatever, the Godfathers have withstood some wicked shots to the gut with early season injuries, and now everyone is coming out smelling of roses. Yum.

6. Derelicts (Last week: 3). Not sure that a 3-4 week should drop the Northwesterners down this low, but life can be cruel, eh, Derek? Doesn't take much to convince the SS-list that this team is better than this, but convince us nonetheless.

SBL Notebook, Week 5

One of our veteran owners (who shall remain nameless, but whose initials are P.O., and who lives in Abu freakin’ Dhabi), dredged up a couple of interesting stats the other day—the cumulative MLB batting average for April was only .250, the OBP a meager .319. Which seems like a reasonable jumping-off point for our annual at-around-this-time-of-year musing about the continued shrinkage of offense in the majors. It’s certainly being felt in the SBL, which after a hot (three-day) start in Week 1 has witnessed steady downward pressure on hitting numbers. The league averages this week: 7.6 HRs, 28.6 RBIs, 28.5 runs, 25.6 TB (the latter skewed by two teams that combined for 81 TB; take them out of the mix and the other 10 teams averaged 22.7). Plus, there were only two OBPs above the .340. threshold. And, oddly enough, there was some pretty terrible pitching going around this week, with five SBL ERAs above 4.5, four of those above 5.40--including one hideous 6.69. Apparently those SBL pitchers didn’t get to face enough SBL hitters. . . . For years now, it hasn’t been unusual to see these kind of pedestrian numbers on offense for a week or two in April, but now it seems like we see them all month, and it bleeds over into May and when will it ever stop and are we going to HAVE TO ENDURE THIS TRAVESTY ALL SEASON???!! . . . OK, take a breath . . . and we now return you to our regular SBL programming. Quite suddenly, we have the makings of actual competition in the American division. For the first three weeks, the Bammers were well-nigh unbeatable, starting 18-1 and conjuring memories (fears?) of 2006, when the Bams started 19-0 and 37-1, were 77-10 at the All-Star break and generally made a mockery of the AL race, coasting to the pennant by 19 games before winning the SBL Series 17-9. But the last two weeks they’ve come back to the pack a bit, and their hard-luck 2-5 performance this week left them only two games ahead of the rock-steady Badgers, who have posted five straight winning weeks en route to a 22-10 record. Oh, and a third team has entered the picture -- the Zero’s, 7-0 this week, 13-0 the last two weeks and only four games out despite their unsightly 7-12 start. (As an example of how little offense it takes to win these days, the Z’s went unbeaten and almost unchallenged with 28 runs, 22 TB, 32 RBI and a .336 OBP -- though nine saves, a 1.07 BR stat, 4-1 WL and 3.04 ERA certainly didn’t hurt their cause.) And, even the struggling defending champion Moaners dragged their sorry butts back to .500 with a 6-1 effort, their first winning week since W 1. . . . The frenzied scramble in the National division showed no signs of abating, with three teams now tied for the top spot and a fourth, DamianUnited, only two games back. Special citation to the Godfathers, who continue to weather an injury wave that claimed top picks Evan Longoria and Josh Hamilton and slugging 2B Aaron Hill among others. After a 6-1 week, the G-Daddies share first place with the Inmates and the Derelicts, and a couple of their missing stars are due back any day now. . . . Kudos, too, to the Whiteskins, who just last week inserted the Rays’ Ben Zobrist into their starting outfield, then sat back and watched him produce one of the greatest single-player boxscore bonanzas in SBL history -- 7 for 10, 5 runs, 10 RBIs, 2 homers, 3 doubles and a stolen base in a Thursday double dip against the Twins. Hope you enjoyed that; miracle stat lines like that are why we play this game, and are also as rare as dodo birds. BTW, the Z-propelled ’Skins went 5-2, arresting a 1-18 slide the previous three weeks.

Week 5 standings

AMERICAN DIVISION
Team, LW...............W....L....PCT....GB
Bammers (2-5)..........24....8....750...--
Badgers (4-3)...........22...10....688....2
Zero's (7-0)..............20...12....625....4
Moaners (6-1)...........16...16....500....8
Barristers (1-6)...........7...25....219...17
Pontiffs (0-7).............5...27....156...19
NATIONAL DIVISION
Team, LW...............W....L....PCT....GB
Inmates (3-4)............20...12....625...--
Derelicts (3-4)...........20...12....625...--
Godfathers (6-1)........20...12....625...--
DamianUnited (4-3).....18...14....563....3
Whiteskins (5-2)........12...20....375....9
Bombers (1-6)............8...24....250...13

Sun-sational Six (Week 4)

Yawn. Not much to report in Week 4, which is to say that nothing has changed from Week 3. While the powers-that-be were hardly overwhelming, there's plenty of scrubs having a tough time challenging now that we're through the first month of action. Here's the same ol', same ol'.

1. Bammers (Last week's rank: 1): Kind of looks like the Goffs have the corner on this market. While his offense has cooled in the past couple weeks, the Bammers can bring it from the hill with a bunch of H-hurlers: Hernandez, Hamels, Haren, Harcia and Har-har-har. Hut-ever.

2. Badgers (Last week's rank: 2): While the Badge hates playing second fiddle, well, it's not like he's going to be named conductor anytime soon to change the seating arrangement. He just have to face the music for awhile or use all these cliches to sing a different tune. Blech.

3. Derelicts (Last week's rank: 3): DRich was so overwhelmed at getting onto the SS-list last week that he called from Seattle to genuflect. Brown-nosing keeps you high on the list, and yes, blubbering is good to get you in the top 3. Wah.

4. Inmates (Last week's rank: 4): The Pattons did make a little move last week, tying the Derelicts for the top spot in the division. But it was a small move, and it's not as if anyone is going to win this division anytime soon. Settle down, old-timer.

5. Damian U (Last week's rank: 5): No doubt D-dog would trade a couple of his wins for a couple weeks more from his precious Lakers, but this isn't "Deal or No Deal." Concentrate DU before you let this team go stale.

6. Godfathers (Last week's rank: 6): The Vicsters probably are a shade better than the No. 5 team, but it's so difficult to cut and paste to move one team ahead of another, especially when their tied. Show us one more time, Uncle Vic. We want to believe.